This is a letter to the girl on the corner of Mt. Hope and Cedar St.
Dear Girl on the phone,
You followed me for five miles riding my bumper. Numerous times I thought you were going to rear end me. When we got stuck behind the CATA bus and you tried going around me, I intentionally did not pull foward. If you had not been riding my ass, you would have had room.
I did not flip you off for going around me. You’re right – that would have been rude. I flipped you off because you were being a jackass. Furthermore, your road rage blocked traffic in both lanes while you felt the need to chew me out. (Let me tell you though, I almost crapped my pants when you gestured furiously for me to roll down my window.) God only knows why I rolled down my window – probably because I didn’t want you ramming me off the road later. Then you called me rude and called me a hippie ‘MF’ with my hippie bumper stickers. I almost laughed then – you should see my other car. For the record, the ‘Don’t move firewood, it bugs me’ sticker is merely a distraction. I regularly haul firewood over county lines.
Then you started crying and telling me you’ve got a shitty life and the last thing you needed was this. Honey, we all have something going on. But your tears made me feel guilty. I apologized and told you I was also sorry you were having a bad day. Then you apologized for being mean. My guilt really kicked in and I wanted to get out and hug you and see if you needed to talk. So you finally pulled away, and to this day you will never EVER know that I gave you the finger because you were too close. Learn how to drive! Pay attention to your fellow drivers and stay off the phone!
I forgave you, but you ruined my day because I know you will always think I’m a jerk.
Sincerely,
the girl in the green Jimmy (with bumper stickers)
***for the record, I rarely ever flip people off – then I do it when I know they can’t see it. (I’m a chicken flipper) I just finally got caught.
a redneck AND a hippie?
Go figure.
She doesn’t know who she’s messing with. She’s lucky I let her off the hook so easily.
Okay, so it’s been almost three months since you last posted something – surely your life isn’t THAT boring.